Sunday, January 17, 2010


I feel like I should add some context to my middle of the night notes from a few days back.  I have always been someone who struggles with a lot of fear, anxiety and (little wonder) depression.  So I often find that I'm surviving life like an attack and therefore, I'm always looking for someone or someones or something to save me.  Sometimes I guess I have to hit rock bottom before I'll finally look up.  When I did, I found that I already have Someone who saved and saves me.  Every day, every hour, every second...God saves me.  When will I ever get it and stop looking elsewhere?  I am so tired of making myself and everyone I lean on miserable in my empty search for what's already been found.  Either He is all the love, hope, life, joy, acceptance, approval and glory I need...or He's not.  There is no room for lukewarm sentiments here.  I for one want to believe.  God, I believe in my my unbelief in my heart.

On my drives to work last week, I started listening to a podcast series from my friend Katie's church in Oregon (Imago Dei, also Donald Miller's church).  The series was entitled Rugged Spirituality and deals with the life of David, king and writer of many Psalms (one of which contains my favorite verse).  Anyway, what I had heard that particular morning was this.  We all find ourselves in a wilderness at some time or another.  In David's wilderness, he learned to pray.  The prayers he prayed in the wilderness (running for his life!) are some of my favorite Psalms today.  So think about this...when we find ourselves in a wilderness, it just might be an opportunity for us to learn to really pray from our guts...and that just might be something God uses to bless the whole world--even future generations--through us.

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